Failure taught me a lesson about pursuing creative projects. Here’s my story.
Skydiving for episode 14 of my 30in30 Series project.
Written over a year ago. Published in Dec 2022.
It was July 1st, 2020. My goal was to make 30 videos in 30 days, doing 30 things I'd never done before by getting out of my comfort zone.
Inspired by Yes Theory’s Project 30, I called my project The 30in30 Series.
The Results? I made 26 videos in 3 months. I failed. But, it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I put myself to the test and I performed below my expectations. However, it was an eye opening experience. Let me tell you about it.
The call to adventure
Prior to the lockdowns in 2020, I had everything figured out—I diligently mapped out what I wanted to be doing, where I was going to be doing it, and how I was going to be doing it. I was obsessively micromanaging every single month, week, day and hour of my life. I was organized…and a little crazy.
The issue with all of this was that it rarely led to any spontaneity in my life. (And absolutely no peace of mind) Most of what I had done before had some form of delayed gratification and sacrifice that came along with it. And that was exhausting. At the time, I was working to make a living, get good grades, find a good job and live a sustainable life that wouldn’t put me down a spiraling path of anxiety and worry.
Yet, that pursuit made me miserable. I had realized that no work, no studies, no anything, would ever fulfill me if creativity was not involved in some way. To me, creativity was freedom and worry-free. I needed creativity in order to live a fulfilling life. I just knew it deep down.
It was about the choice of entering into the unknown for the sake of growth. It had no real limitation; the possibilities were endless in its freedom. That was what I wanted.
The medium I chose was storytelling through videos. Why? Because the barrier to entry was non-existent. I just had to pick up my camera, film something exciting, tell a story and publish it for the world to see. As a former cinema-communications student and English literature student, this was it.
So, I had made my decision and it was now time to act — Feeling burned out by my routine, I decided to start my 30in30 project in the summer of 2020. My goal was simple; Do something without overthinking it for once in my life
If I simply produced a mass volume of work I wanted to create, with time, my creative and technical capabilities would improve because I would be learning by doing. Essentially, instead of obsessing over every detail of my life, I would be making things. I’d be spending less time theorizing and more time producing things and getting better through the process. (Seems like the literal definition of creativity, spontaneity and action to me!)
At the time, I had also read a book called Daring Greatly by Brené Brown, which was all about courage and vulnerability. It made me realize that what was stopping me from actually executing through creativity and spontaneity was, for a large part, my fear of failure. This might be obvious to most people but, it never occurred to me that failure was an opportunity to improve. Prior to reading this book, I dreaded failure; which is why I was afraid of trying new things.
The book that made me realize the importance of courage through vulnerability. Image Source: Kosta Kounadis
For context, here are some ways my fear of failure would manifest itself: What if all this time I used up strategizing about what I wanted to do was just an unconscious excuse I made for myself to create the illusion of progress and certainty? What if all this time I used up strategizing about what I wanted to do went to waste? What if my projects fail? What if this makes me look like a fool in front of everyone? What if this? What if that? What if bla bla bla…
Instead, I gave my project a shot without caring about what others had to say, without caring if my work succeeded or failed. Ultimately, to just care about the journey and the experience by valuing the process of learning above everything else.
At the end of the day, I realized that the outcome is something I will rarely be able to control. The effort I put in and the work I do is what I will always be able to control.
So, that’s how 30in30 started.
I told myself that I was going to make 30 videos in 30 days, doing 30 things I’d never done before. No overthinking. Just filming, editing and publishing.
I set the date. July 1st, 2020.
My first video would be published on that day, whether it was bad or good, whether I was tired or energized; even if the sky was falling…it had to be filmed, edited and published on that day.
And so the adventure began with Getting Matching Tattoos:
Why matching tattoos for my first video? Because it sounded like a fun thing to do. It also communicated to people that I was devoted to the project. The permanence of a tattoo was a symbol of commitment and execution above everything else.
Quantity over quality when starting out
Fast forward 30 days, a lot happened.
A lot of friends were made, sleepless nights were spent editing, and emotions were felt to levels I never thought I was able to get to…but I had failed the goal of 30 videos in 30 days.
I was unable to accomplish the goal I set for myself because of the ambition of the project, as the workload proved to be much larger than I had initially anticipated. (lesson learned) But, from a work/creative perspective, I did learn a lot about storytelling, making videos, managing projects, organizing events, trusting the process and working with others along the way. It wasn’t a total failure after all.
With time, my 30in30 series garnered over 6,400 views, which was a number I would have never expected. (Especially considering that at the time Youtube shorts and Instagram reels didn’t exist and TikTok was still in its infancy.)
Most importantly, what surprised me was that many people started reaching out and letting me know how much they loved my videos. Some people would share my work and some would even repost it in large Facebook groups and subreddits! What the fuck…That kind of support was unexpected. I was beyond thankful for this. It was quite encouraging and it motivated me.
The message I was sharing
The message behind my videos centered around the idea of getting out of my comfort zone by facing my fears. (And committing to something instead of pondering about it.)
I realized that the pandemic had made everyone very cynical and pessimistic considering the news was filled with a lot of negative storylines. So, this was my way of cheering people up by bringing positive and optimistic content to people’s timelines.
So many people helped me along the way with this project and I have all of them to thank for making it all possible:
Thank you to Stephen E., Stephanie H., Vincent G., Marc M., Marc D., Mark V., Jessica T., Diana B., Mathieu N., Kristina K., Gianni D., Margaux D., Matthieu B., Marc-André B., Inès M., Charlotte M., Michael N., Junior D., Robert T., Karolina D., Dano A., Akiko E., Marietta M., Hanh Phuc N., Dheepika R., Simone, Andrew, my parents and everyone else I’m forgetting for putting up with this project and for being a part of it (in)directly.
At the end of the day, the people I made 30in30 with were what made this project so special to me. So many individuals gave me so much of their time and energy because they believed in me and that’s something I will never forget.
The longing to make something just because I wanted to have fun and to live a fulfilling experience by spreading a positive message made me realize that what was truly important and worthwhile in whatever I pursue in my life is all about the following:
If [it] leads to a community of people coming together to create something bigger than themselves because they believe in the same idea, it’s a success. This is because the true value in what we do is formed when we build communities, not audiences.
Community > Audience.
This has been a game-changing revelation for me.
My thoughts looking back
When I look back at this project today, I can’t help but cringe at the sight of any one of my 30in30 videos. But, as cringe as these videos were, I feel happy and fulfilled that I went ahead with the project. I smile at that old version of myself every time I think about 30in30.
I say this because, oftentimes, I hear about how artists try to “delete” their initial work once they blow up in an attempt to hide their early efforts because it might not translate well in the present considering how much their craft evolved over time. It seems like we sometimes forget that everyone has a beginning.
There is always a beginning for everyone. Do not allow the desire for perfection or the fear of failure deter you from getting started. Imperfection is golden, failure provides the best opportunity to improve on one’s skills and get it right. Cliché but true.
My suspicion is that the need many artists and creators have to delete their early work stems from them feeling disconnected by it and embarrassed at the thought of someone going back and seeing an early version of the artist they have come to love, trying to figure things out in a vulnerable and public manner.
Here are examples of creators and artists starting out versus where they are now:
Content creation: Mr Beast starting out versus today. Source: Youtube
Pencil Drawing: Unknown artist starting out versus today. Source: BoredpandaFilmmaking: Christopher Nolan starting out versus today. Source: Film-Grab
Filmmaking: Christopher Nolan starting out versus today. Source: Film-Grab
